All Apologies
by xscarredx13
Summary: Alice Cullen: She has money, looks, inevitability... and one handsome human lover. But, uh, love is dead. Too bad you didn't forsee that, Alice. AU


**Hi. xscarredx13 here. I have an extreme Jasper obsession right now, so I wrote this thing at the top of my mind. Sorry if Alice is a little OOC... I didn't know how to make her as depressed as possible. But, uh, I tried. So here you go. It's AU, but not AH.**

**Oh, and listen to the song All Apologies if you can. It's one of the best Nirvana songs ever, in my opinion.**

**[Disclaimer Insert]**

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Sometimes, when Alice sat alone at the park, far from Edward and his mind-reading ability to annoy her, she thought of Jasper.

She thought of his golden, beautiful hair. The last time she had seen him, his gorgeous locks were shorn and snipped off. But when she thought of him, Alice liked to imagine Jasper with the same honey-blond locks he had had when they met.

His eyes were blue. They were a deep azure color, with little grey flecks. Alice loved staring into those solicitous, mysterious eyes, which always seemed to smile when they locked onto her. That was just it—Jasper smiled with his eyes. He seemed far too serious and solemn to smile with his lips, and he always looked pained when someone forced him to try.

It was funny how no one wanted to approach her now, with the purple shadows underneath her eyes and the hard look on her face. Even though it was a cloudy day, and though only a couple of people were jogging in the park, usually some guy would've dared to go up and try her patience. Maybe try to charm her, until she told him coldly that he was married.

And then that guy would ask, almost incredulously (judging by how young she looked), who she was married to and why she would marry so early.

Alice would answer, in the little smug tone that she had reserved for the men at the park, that Jasper Whitlock—_the_ Jasper Whitlock, local marine and one of the town's most intimidating men—was her husband.

But he had left, and now she was alone, and now she couldn't say that anyone was her husband.

Because, well, the man who had previously had that occupation was… dead.

Dead.

The thought, as painful as it was, made Alice's numb body tremble even more. She wanted to cry, let a few wet tears escape, but of course she couldn't. She was a vampire.

And Jasper was—_had been_—human.

Alice clenched the hem of her skirt into her fisted hand. It was stupid, illogical, and completely irrational to wear a skirt out in broad daylight, in public, even with the darkening clouds drifting in the sky.

But she'd worn it anyway. It was one of her favorites, the soft turquoise skirt that Jasper had once complimented her on, the one that was floaty and flouncy, long enough to cover part of her thighs (but not her knees, of course). Her pale and thin legs stuck out from the skirt, smooth and marble-white. A well-muscled man across the street eyed them appreciatively. He wasn't as bulk as Emmett, but he was still pretty big, dressed in a long-sleeved shirt and baggy jeans. A dark blue Yankees cap sat on his head, pulled sideways over half of his face. One russet-maroon eye was visible, and it was moving up and down Alice's legs.

She pulled her legs back, tucking her shins behind her, planting her feet on the small patch of weeds underneath the bench. The guy was definitely creeping her out, even though she could kill him with a simple blow to the neck if he touched her. Humans were just so fragile.

Like Jasper.

She should've tried to convince him not to go. Made him stay home. Or even… even granted his wish and turned him into… into…

A monster like her.

Anguish seized her like a hand, one with a sweaty palm and a grip that tightened with each breath she took. It was unwilling to let go, and choked her with every second that passed. But in reality, she couldn't choke or suffocate at all—no matter how much Alice wished that she could. Dying would be lovely, going to join her lover again. He shouldn't have gone. He shouldn't have been shot. For Christsakes, he was one of those men who barely got to set foot on land, let alone get shot on it!

As Alice grieved silently, she saw the man across the park walk toward her. She noticed—with a bit of surprise—that he wasn't human at all. There was no way that any human walk with the same aggressive grace as he, in an odd saunter that somehow seemed poised and elegant.

With a ping of regret, Alice realized that she should've known he was vampire, just by looking at the color of his eyes and the way he was dressed in long, skin-covering clothes… on an eighty-degree day.

She tensed, distinctively hearing the rip of expensive fabric tearing slightly as she tightly grasped the soft sleeve of her silk shirt.

"What do you want?" She demanded in a clear, hopefully confident tone as the male vampire came closer. He reminded her of… someone. Someone she had known earlier, possibly in her human years or the beginning of her days as a newborn. Had they met before?

"Oh Alice," the man spoke almost tauntingly, his voice a gravelly, growl-like rumble. "No need to be so hostile toward me. Don't you recall the fun we had, the last time we met?" He tipped his cap up, revealing oh-so-familiar features—straight nose, watching eyes, a mouth that seemed to be always twisted in a half-frown, half-scowl. A wave of light blond-brown hair brushed against his forehead.

"J-James?" Alice gasped.

_No!_ Edward and Emmett and Carlisle had driven him out of town last time—he couldn't be here, not now, not ever!

"Long time no see. You remember me, right?"

She ignored him and asked sharply, "Where's Victoria?" She glanced around, trying to spot the fiery-haired witch.

"She's not here. I left her."

"Why?" Alice looked suspiciously at him.

"Because, little Alice, I want someone else." James's tone was silky now, much too velvety for a fiend like him. "A certain girl named Mary, if I say so myself." He reached out and touched a lock of her spiky dark hair.

"There's a lot of girls named Mary," Alice snapped, slapping his hand away. He raised an eyebrow in amusement.

"Yes, but I want the Mary in _front_ of me right now. The one who prefers to call herself Alice." James smirked and went on. "You know, the one who _had_ a little puppy named Jasper, one who just _happened_ to die the minute he set foot on land."

A sharp intake of air. "How did you…?"

Another smirk. "Who do you think disposed your little human?"

Silence.

James, looking a little disappointed at the reaction, went on. "I never knew how _easy_ it was to get through all the guards and security that—"

He was slammed onto the ground in less than a second, his back cracking the cement, Alice's high-heeled Manolo pressed against his chest.

"Give me a reason," she hissed, murder in her eyes, "not to kill you."

James chuckled easily. He didn't even try to squirm free. "Well, we do happen to be in a public park. See the little girl there, tugging on her mother's sleeve? She sees us. And soon her mother will, too." He paused for effect, flashing a rare smile. "And you know, the sun could come out any moment. I _do_ listen to the weather reports."

Alice froze. "But—I didn't see—"

James ignored her, finishing with, "So really, is avenging your weak little husband's death worth the pain you'll cause Carlisle? And the troubles you'll cause you're entire family?"

The second James mentioned Jasper again_, _Alice didn't even try to think about her family. A feral snarl ripped out of her lips, which were curled up into a teeth-baring contortion. She pulled her hand back into a claw, pearly whites glistening as she did so, ready to make her enemy scream and cry and—most of all—die a slow and painful death.

"Stop. Alice, stop."

Her anger melted. God, that voice sounded so much like Jasper's. Wonderful, caring, handsome Jasper…

But it wasn't him. Of course it wasn't. It was Edward, standing behind her, his arms raised above him. The look he gave her made her want to die even more, shame consuming her pain-racked body.

Slowly, Alice lifted her shoe off of James's chest. Without even a whisper of protest, he ran off.

"Alice."

"Edward, I'm sorry, I didn't think—"

"I know." His topaz eyes met hers. "You miss Jasper, don't you?"

"I…" she croaked. After a moment of silence, she gave up trying to speak and nodded instead.

Edward sighed. "You see, Alice? That's why you're not having your visions anymore. All you feel is sorrow for Jasper, and pity for yourself."

Alice hadn't even noticed the absence of her premonitions. With a jolt of shock, she realized that she hadn't had any of her mental images for weeks, if not months. Jasper had only died two weeks ago, so that meant…

"I didn't see him die."

Edward looked at her. "No, you didn't. Maybe your precognition is limited when it concerns—"

"I should have seen him! I should of stopped it! Why, why…?" Her voice was choked, turning hysterical.

"Alice!"

She stopped, although her eyes were still fervent and frantic as they met her adopted brother's.

"Look. I met this girl the other day…" He paused, hesitant. "…Bella. Her name is Bella Swan. While I was talking to her, she told me that she had sacrificed something for someone she loved, to make that person happy."

Alice, who had placed her head in her hands as Edward spoke, raised her head slightly.

"Don't you think Jasper sacrificed something for you? I read his mind, Alice, I knew he was proud but unhappy being a marine. He knew there was a possibility that he would die young, and if not—he'd still die eventually because you swore not to change him."

Edward met her eyes again. "And he actually thought that you would be happier without him to distract you from your glorious immortal life. That's why he stayed in the army, and that's why…" Edward's voice broke a little as Alice's aggrieved thoughts hit him at full force, but he continued on, "…that's why he never pushed you into changing him. He didn't think he was worthy because you said no."

Alice looked as if she wanted to scream. But it was likely that if she did, every human in the park would collapse on the spot as their eardrums shattered.

"Alice…" Edward looked almost guilty that he had told her the truth, his expression pained.

_Leave! Get out of my head and leave!_

And after a wavering moment of uncertainty, he did.

He disappeared the same way James had sped away—almost like how Jasper had disappeared from her life.

***

Alice was now standing in front of a gravestone, one that was brand new and stood out from the crumbling stones around it. Jasper's name was carved into it, and every letter she read was a dagger to her dead heart.

"Jasper, Jasper, Jasper…" She moaned, falling to her knees. Her tinkling voice sound bizarre and strange, distorted by pain.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry I didn't protect you. I'm sorry…" The apologies flooded out of her uncontrollably.

"I'll go to the Volturi, I'll let the humans see me if they refuse…" Maybe she'd get Aro to do it himself, she'd heard that he killed quicker than his brothers…

_Don't._

Alice froze. Had that been Jasper's voice, talking to her?

_Alice. Please._

No, no, no! She couldn't be having hallucinations! Visions and premonitions were enough, but now she was hearing voices like Edward?

Still. Jasper's voice was fantastic to hear again. It was a warm, nostalgic cup of hot chocolate that heated up her cold body and miserable mind.

"Jasper?"

There was no answer, and Alice felt a rush of disappointment. The depression returned once again, stabbing her insides. She carefully placed a rose on her husband's grave and stood up to leave.

_I love you_.

The words drifted through her brain as if the wind had carried them. They made her smile in a bittersweet way. If only she could cry—God, it was so hard being a vampire when you couldn't show emotion through tears.

_I mean, there's always a perfect time when someone has to cry, to make a perfectly dramatic ending sad and sweet and heartrending at the same time. Whenever I feel the need to cry, nothing comes out. Sometimes you just need to—_

Alice cut off her own rambling stream of thoughts as Jasper's chuckle echoed in her head.

"I love you too, Jazz."

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****Care to review?**


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